DO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TREAT YOU THE SAME AS THEY DID BEFORE YOU WERE ILL??

[WILMA (aka Julia)]

My very close friends and family DONT treat me any different now than they did before I was in a wheelchair. BUT they do give me space when they know Im having a few bad days and dont push me into anything....HOWEVER....one of my REALLY CLOSE friends has really backed away and Im wondering why!

I was out for the first time in an electric scooter about 4 weeks ago and litterally nearly ran her over lol and I had to stop her and she talked and promised to call round the follwoing week but still havent seen or heard from her!

Is she embarrassed of being or going out with me now that Im in a chair? That I have gained weight? that I cant do what we used to do anymore?

Im not sure as she is pretty much the only one thats done this and I dont know why!

Yet the rest of my friends especially my biker girls treat me the same, dont patronise me at all, dont make allowances for me and still talk to me like they always did which is EXACTLY what I expect them to do...Im STILL me, STLL the very vocal Julia, STILL the leader in some things just Im now in a chair!

Its strange sint it when you become ill and need those who love you around you....I certainly know who my good friends are......I guess the rest are not worth worrying about!!

Julia xxx

[Mandy Lawrence]

Hi again Julia

Glad you and your friend had a heart to heart. They say communication is the key to every relationship (I think that and, for closer relationships, love).

Hope you got some sweet dreams too

x

[steven wilson]

After my wife became disabled her younger brother stopped coming by.We used to get together at least once a week for
going out to dinner,movies or cooking out.Since her disability he has came by 1 time in 4 years.

[Jill]

Hi Steven

That is really bad that your wife's brother stopped coming round. Has he given any reason at all? Obviously he cannot cope with her becoming disabled and doesn't want to face up to it but why would he react so badly I wonder? It must be very upsetting for you both.

Bye for Now
Jill

[Mandy Lawrence]

Hi Steven

I am sorry that your wife's younger brother stopped coming by. I am sure that must have affected your wife after having been more close to him before.

Some people, in fact, dare I say, most people find disability scary. Facing it...that is..and that is why they don't. Is like shoving it under the carpet and trying to forget it is there.

Having co-cared for my Mum for many years and now being a kind of carer for my Dad...I can see that there is a point where it drains people, It can become too much and certainly for one person and also in a society where there is little additional support for carers it is very hard to provide continual care on a personal level.

However, I don't think that is what was expected of your wife's brother. My personal view and based from an outside, and not party to the situation, perspective is that he is a coward. Maybe I am being too harsh and if I am judging him wrongly I will apologise but such is how it seems to me.

[WILMA (aka Julia)]

Hi Steven,

You may have read my previous post about my very good friend who pretty much stopped coming to see me when I was going through the worst of my illness....
It really hurt me as she was the only friend who stopped and we were very close...almost like family.... We had a chat a little while ago and she said she was going to come see me and she never did.....I had a girlie night this weekend and she was invited and she came.... Im starting to think she just cant cope with me being ill although I have to say I am far better on a day to day basis than I was so Im kinda a bit like my old self...but still think she just cant cope with it all!We all react in different ways to illness, and maybe like Jill said your brother in law cant cope seeing his sister in a way as he may see as suffering....I dont necessarily think hes doing it because he doesnt care....
Cant you talk to him honestly and openly and maybe ask if there is a problem him seeing her, I know if I was close to a brother or sister and they stopped calling I would be asking why but then again Im not a one to sit back and say nothing but I understand not everyone has my personality!

I hope he starts coming round as he is missing out. Its a shame some folk think that because our bodies are invaded by illness, that our minds and personality is going to be too......this isnt always the case....Good Luck I hope things get sorted.....Take Care Julia xxx